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What are your current 5 wishes? __________________

What are your current 5 wishes?
_________________________________________________

Hello, today is the 28th of April.
And this will be Confession Drawing No. 30.
The title for today's Confession Drawing is
‘I am a Creator.’

My confession for this drawing is that
I find it hard to visualize good things.
Which is in itself maybe
not a super bad confession.

But it is important to visualize good things.
Because visualizing has the same
effect on your brain as real actions.

The thoughts and images you create during
visualization create new neural pathways.
Which then leads to a kind of behavioral memory.

And memory is faulty with me. Since with my
small and bigger traumas I forget chunks.

So to create good things in your life
you first have to visualize them.
How to do that? I was thinking
maybe I can make it super simple.

By writing down five wishes you have.
Whether small or big doesn't matter.
Write them down for yourself,
or you can share them also here.

And maybe that's already a good start
to at least know your wishes.
And then by writing them down possibly
set something in motion in your brain.
So I don't know if it's the same as
visualizing yet. But I think it's a good step.

With the Confession Drawings I try to
be as transparent and honest as possible.
And I think by sharing my story or my things from my life.
That maybe it can help you empower you too.

My five current wishes are:
1. To be asked by a commercial gallery,
that likes me and my art, and can sell
my drawings to people who love my drawings.

2. To have a stable financial
happy life via and with my art.

3. To have people around me
that I love and love me.

4. To have a dog and a cat.

5. To have collector friends that support
me in my work and collect my art.

By looking at your wish with careful intention.
We can maybe create already a little
bit our new neural pathways.

Do you want to share your current wishes?

#confession #drawings #creator #wishes #visualizing #brain #newneuralpathways

Can you forgive yourself? ________________________

Can you forgive yourself?
_________________________________________________

Hello, today is the 26th of April.
And this will be Confession Drawing No. 29.
The title for today's Confession
Drawing will be 'Battlefield of Guilt.'

My confession for today's
drawing is that I am not perfect.
It's a really short confession.
And I will make a self-portrait.

And then when I write in here, I forgive you.
This means this could be to anybody.
But because it's a self-portrait it
could also be that I forgive myself.

So then the personal becomes universal.
Because probably the things that
I deal with you deal with as well.

My project with bridges, I think could be
interesting to have the bridge included.
For me it's kind of all connected,
the self-portrait, the text, the photos, the titles,

It's about the process of getting
it out of you and the struggle.
We are all people, and people make mistakes.
And sometimes small mistakes, and sometimes
big life-altering mistakes that we dearly regret.

What is a real sorry? You know I think
a real sorry exists of four parts.
First part is that you say sorry.
And then the second part is
that you don't do it again.
And then the third part is
that you ask for forgiveness.

Because the other person also needs to be
able to forgive what you have done, right?

And then fourth part I think
is that you try to make it up.
In a way that is important for
the other person to trust you again.

So if I think of myself, if I want to
forgive myself, then I say sorry to myself.
I will not do it again. And forgive me.
And yeah, for me to learn
to trust myself means, I have to find
people that love me for who I am.

With my mistakes, and my goodness,
and my bad parts, and my moods,
and my trying and everything.

#confession #drawings #forgivenes #sorry #battlefield #guilt #healing

What is your intention? __________________________

What is your intention?
_________________________________________________

Hello, today is the 21st of April.
And this will be Confession Drawing No. 28.
The title of today's Confession Drawing
will be 'Sage me. So it is'.

The confession for today's drawing is,
that I have to delete all the people
in my life that are not good for me.

I think by doing these Confession Drawings,
I can bring up any issue or any
topic whether small or existential.
And then start washing it,
start cleaning it.

Sage is a plant that can be used
to get rid of negative energy.
So maybe this drawing
can be the sage for you.

Maybe there are things in your
life that you also need to delete.
It took me a very long time
to figure out that there are people,
that you want to have in your life.
And people you better
not have in your life.

The key to successful cleaning is.
Setting an intention, and
visualizing the outcome.

For me the intention could be,
goodbye bullies, goodbye humiliation,
goodbye blamers, goodbye aggression,
goodbye danger, goodbye screaming,
goodbye fighting, goodbye bad life.
I've seen you, farewell.

I'm attracting in a natural
way pleasant and good people.
They like me, and they like my art.
Together with them, I enjoy life.

The cleaning is for
what we don't want.
And then when it's completely clean,
we can attract what we do want.

What is your intention?

Sage me, because it's
funny, like, save me.
Not save me, but sage me.
Because you are doing it yourself.

No more crying, no more doubting,
no more being completely empty.
Because these energy vampires
suck every good will out of you.

Clean. Sage.
So it is.

#confession #drawings #cleaning #intention #healing #sage #energy-vampires

Hello, today is 19 April 2022. And this will be Co

Hello, today is 19 April 2022.
And this will be Confession Drawing no. 27.
The title for today will be, Self-Preservation.

My confession for this drawing is,
that I have unclear border control.
And I don't know yet how to fix it.

I grew up with a dangerously jealous brother.
Because of this, I have developed some
sort of extremely fine-tuned antenna.

But, what I don't do well, is that I let people
who don't mean well, come very close to me.
I need to stop this because I'm now
in a new city. I'm making new friends.

I went to a spa with two new friends,
and it was really nice.
But at one point something changed.
And I got offered to have
like a whirlpool in a bath.

Anyway, something was going on.
And I didn't want to stay in that situation.
So I excused myself,
and I thought everything was fine.
We had dinner afterward.
And we drove back together.

And then Monday morning, I received a
text that I was not thinking about them.
And then I wrote back, I'm not perfect.
And sorry it made you uncomfortable.

She didn't leave it with that. She said, no you
have to consider other people.
I took some days to think about that.

Because I believe when you are in a situation
that makes you uncomfortable or is dangerous.
Then you have the right to leave.
I guess this is about boundaries.

Do you know the Baywatch-rule?
You first have to make sure you
yourself are in safety,
before you can help others.

I think maybe I need to clean
these experiences of jealous people.
Or people that try to control me. Or always
say something that what I'm doing is not good.

And by every time cleaning it maybe
it becomes less difficult or less present.
Cleaning something,
like our past.

#confession #drawings #self-preservation #jealous #borders #leaving #cleaning

What do you need? What does your body need? _____

What do you need?
What does your body need?
__________________________________________________
Hello, today is 12 April 2022.
And this will be my 26th Confession Drawing.

The confession is that I am using
my body as if it is a machine.
Like a producing machine.
Maybe even a creative producing machine.

This body, this machine, needs care, needs love
needs attention, needs to be heard.

And the person who has to do that,
the maintenance, is me.
Because me and my body are connected.
So I'm the driver of the machine.

This body, this machine is very easily distracted.
And also very sensitive.
And it doesn't help to say, come on, push through it.
It doesn't really work like that, does it?

The body, which some people say is
a holy temple, you have to be grateful.
No, yeah, I am grateful for my body.
But yeah, I have this tendency to work too hard.

When I was living in Rotterdam,
I was juggling two jobs at the same time.
My profession as a visual artist and also I was
the coordinator of the film department.

I had like two big responsibilities.
Maybe I was too perfectionistic or whatever.
Pushing my body too hard. And I got a burnout.
Which took a very long time to get out of it.

I think now, it has to do with, about,
listening to your body. What is your body saying?

I think I want to come back to this, again and again,
I think it's important for me, for you.

What do you need?
What does your body need?

Maybe it sounds like an easy question,
but maybe it's not so easy.

What do you need?
What does your body need?

Maybe one first needs to learn,
or at least I need to learn to listen to my body.

Just being aware of the body. So I'm kind of
really pushing my body. Really pushing pushing.

And I made a few decisions.
I talked more about this during the livestream when I made the drawing.

How about you?
Do you listen to your body?
Do you know what your body needs?

#confessions #drawings #burnout #work #thetalkingbody #whatdoyouneed #listen

How to know when it's best to walk away? And when

How to know when it's best to walk away?
And when you should have the conversation?
_______________________________________

Hello, today is 12 April.
And this will be my 25th Confession Drawing.
The title of this Confession Drawings is,
Make Room. Walking Away.

My confession for today is
that I rather am alone than adapt.
I got so much criticism all my life
and became so über self-aware.
It's kind of like a rejection of who you are.

When I was still living at home,
there were always these emotional 4-day bombs.
It's like day one everything's fine.
And then the second day the tension is building.
The third day it's really intense.
And then BAM the bomb explodes.
Everything is calm and the cycle starts again.

By the end I was 16, I start living by myself.
With my brother, it became too dangerous.
Also it didn't matter if you fight,
because it didn't change anything.

And you've tried all the things, right.
It's not just fighting. You also tried talking, crying, you try everything.
Because you try to find the solution.
And then when that's not possible.
If you're not part of the solution,
then you're part of the problem.

So I think that's what I do, I walk away.
Because it doesn't matter what I say,
it has no point in saying anything.

And so now it's difficult to not walk away.
So instead of starting the conversation,
to discuss what happened.
What can we do to prevent it?
I just walk away.

I think also the critique that doesn't help you.
Very quickly is becoming a thing about power,
about trying to control you.

How to know when it's best to walk away?
And when you should have the conversation?

I think if it's like really toxic, really damaging,
not supporting you, not helping you,
slows you down in your dreams,
or even worse just handicaps you.

So if you leave—and that maybe
the positive thing to see.
There is room for maybe
healthy people in your life.

#confessions #drawings #walkingaway #makeroom #criticism #rejection #toxic

How can I help myself? How can I help my body heal

How can I help myself?
How can I help my body heal?
___________________________________________________

Hello, today is the 7th of April.
And this is my 24th Confession Drawing.

The title of today's Confession Drawing will be,
Your Body is Okay.

My confession is that I too judge my body.
I was thinking how can I help myself?
How can I help my body heal?

And also I was thinking about the
difference between culpable and responsible.
So you're born with the body you received.
Maybe you were born with a healthy good body.
But maybe not. So there's not so
much we can change about that.

I always had a good healthy body I have to say.
But my body is changing.
When I start to think about gratitude.
I noticed that every time when I then was
grateful for something about my body.
Then it changed.

I think I was always like in the middle
range of how my body looked.
So that's kind of easy.
So when I was happy about that.
Because it means if you go shopping,
for example, you always have the middle size.

And then I thought okay I have a nice smile.
And then the dog of my brother by accident,
(although it is more complicated than this),
but anyway, a part of my tooth is chipped.
For me, it was really a big deal.
I was so happy with my smile.

And then the other thing I was
grateful for was, was my hair.
And what is happening now?
I start to get gray hairs.
My father of 84 has almost no gray hair.
So it also, I guess, depends on your genes.

I think the body is an important topic.
Because probably a lot of people are dealing
with some sort of issues about their body.

So we've received his bodies to have our
experiences on earth and it's really wonderful.
Actually, it's really beautiful.

And then by judging our own bodies.
Or the bodies of other people,
the colors, the sizes, the lengths, everything.
That's kind of sad.

Mantra: My body is okay.
Your body is okay.
Our bodies are okay.

#confessions #drawings #body #heal #help #okay

What mentality did you pick up from the culture yo

What mentality did you pick up from the culture you are living in?
___________________________________________________

Hello, today is 5 April.
And this will is my 23rd Confession Drawing.

Since these are Confession Drawings in where
I will be radically transparent and honest.
I think money is also a topic
that I need to talk about.

So I started doing the Confession Drawings and
I gave myself a whole year for this project.
I somehow thought that maybe this project
would pick up a little bit better. But it doesn't.

You know I'm originally from the Netherlands.
I lived in Rotterdam.
And so you pick up also the
mentality of the city where you live.

Or maybe it's also a United States thing, is that they are
always kind of pretending that everything is going super well.
And business is blooming and you know
lots of prosperities and everything is great.
But actually in reality it's just
grinding and struggling.

So I wish I could say:
Hello my name is Kim Engelen.
I'm a visual artist for 20 years. And let me show
you in this video how I make 10k per month.
But on the other hand,
it means it is possible.

When I was studying in the U.S. I only
had the money for one semester.
That's the only one time that
I asked my parents for financial help.

So I was already there, I was accepted,
I was living there. I did one semester.
And then I had to stop.
Because I couldn't pay more.

So that was in the U.S. In San Francisco.
And then suddenly you're also in the culture of the U.S.
You meet a lot of people from all sorts of walks of life.
Which were one of the things I really loved. I think
I really grew there as an artist and also as a person.

Here I made my video-series called,
Words don't come Easy.
And one of those videos was,
I want to ride my bicycle.

I see the bike as a kind of
vessel or maybe even myself.
That I want to take care of
my body, my bike, my vessel.

And if it needs to be fixed, to be healed,
I want to be able to do this myself.
The title for today Confession Drawings will be,
I Want to Ride my Bicycle.

#confessions #drawings #iwantoridemybicycle #artist #money #mentality

Watch my trailers of the Confession Drawings on Yo

Watch my trailers of the Confession Drawings on YouTube. See you there 🙏😊

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